STOP worrying about tomorrow when it's still today.

DON'T look 50 years down the line, plan for this minute.

NEVER want someone else's life. The grass is always greener. Love your own.

SOMETIMES it's okay to look back, but don't stare.

ALWAYS appreciate you who are, and where you are, at this very second.

BREATHE in the people, places, and things around you.

APPRECIATE everything about the home you live in, the car you drive, the life you live.

LOVE yourself, your family, your friends, like it's all you have.

What Tangled Webs We Weave...

Think of yourself as the center of this spiral.

When you are growing up, you keep the people that mean the most to you, that you trust the most, the closest in this spiral.

You believe that they will never ever leave your inner circle and will stay as near to your center as possible.

As years go by, some of the people that were constantly in your inner circle start to web out, and new ones come in.

What means the most to you, who you trust, and what you look for in a friend all relate to this spiral.

How you were raised is (usually) a direct association to the attachment that you make and keep in all relationships.

THERE ARE THREE ATTACHMENT STYLES, and they all come back to this shape:

SECURE: A child in this category knows early on that they can depend on their guardian and that they will be there for them when they need support. They know exactly what they need and want from the guardian, and usually get it.

AVOIDANT: This child has learned that depending on their parents will not get them that secure feeling that they want, so they need to depend on themselves.

AMBIVALENT: This child learns that sometimes their needs are met, and sometimes they are not. Ambivalence means "not being completely sure of something". They realize early on what type of behavior will get their parent's attention, and then use it over and over again to get what they want. They are constantly looking for the security that they sometimes get.

Relationships can get very complicated. If you think back on how responsive and attentive your guardians were from infancy to early adolescence, sometimes that can connect the dots as to why the relationships you have now last/do not last the way they do.

And for some people this may not relate AT ALL, it is just an interesting way to think about things on a Friday morning :)

Don't Hold Onto It...

Why do we hold on to things that we cannot change?

To emotions of overwhelming sadness, depression, anxiety. To feelings of guilt, jealousy, rage. We hold onto these feelings and let them become us. They become our self, our skin, our every thought, our identity. It is almost impossible to get these feelings out of our head. It totally overpowers us, to the point where we almost feel more comfortable wallowing in the sadness then trying to find a way out of it.

The Serenity Prayer: Faith and Politics in Times of Peace and War was written by Reinhold Niebuhr in 1934. A few years later, an early member of Alcoholics Anonymous brought this prayer to the attention of the other members in a meeting, and it became an instant classic in the recovering community.

I used to wait tables in a restaurant and one day someone left me the bill, the cash, and a coin on my table. The coin had the prayer on it, and I instantly became mesmorized. Although I have never been religious, this saying has always had an impact on me in my every single day life:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

Whether you are fighting a heroin addiction, jealousy, or hate. Whether you are fighting an old friend and you can not seem to drop the grudge you are holding deep in your heart. If you are mad at someone and don't even remember why you truly got mad in the first place...Life Is Too Short.

Don't Hold On To It.

Accept it, Acknowledge it, and Understand that you May Not Be Able to Change It.

Think of Ways that you Can Overcome It.

Let It Die.

Amazing

Most unplanned pregnancies happen from February to beginning of May.

If having a baby is not in your plans right now, what are you doing to protect yourself????

http://www.arhp.org/MethodMatch/


From my experience as being a clinical counselor at a woman's clinic, I understand that picking the right contraceptive method is hard and confusing. YOU are unique and so are your birth control needs. Use this tool to compare methods on the criteria that matter to you most. Find the method that matches your lifestyle by sorting, filtering, and comparing up to 4 methods side by side to find which fits right for you. Voila!!!! Protection, just like that :)

Fantasy League Draft Picks

I bet all the guys just got so excited about the headline of this topic. But I am not talking about baseball or football draft picks. I'm talking about the people you are surrounding yourself with.

When you are picking out your fantasy league top picks, you ONLY pick the players that will help you in the long run, right? Someone that will catapult you towards success. Someone that respects you, will be a good team member, that wants to win almost just as bad as you do. So why wouldn't you do that when you're picking the people you hang out with???

Whether you like to admit it or not, the people that you associate with represents you. That is your group, that is where you belong. That becomes who you are, to other people. So why pick someone who has no goals? Who drinks too much, who does too much drugs, who brings others down??? That's the worst type of person to be around. If you are going anywhere in your life, you want to pick the top players to be on your team. Friends that are smart, friends that are funny, friends that are clean, friends that make you laugh, friends you can depend on. Surround yourself with a wide variety of people that will help YOU become smarter, funnier, cleaner also.

Really, think about it. Who is on your team? Who do YOU surround yourself with? Are those people helping or hurting you?

You're Never Gonna Survive Unless....

You Got Your Friends.

I encourage everyone to be strong, in dependant individuals. To be themselves and to appreciate why they are different from others. To believe they can do anything they put their mind to, 100% at all times. But this does not always happen. Sometimes you doubt yourself, sometimes you're insecure, sometimes you can't figure out the right answer.

You need your friends!!!!!

EVERYONE needs a support group, outside of yourself or your exclusive relationship. You need someone to talk to, to vent to, to cry to, that won't twist your words or judge you. Someone who believes in you, who understands you. Who you can laugh with you and joke around with and have fun with. Do really hilarious things with and laugh for no reason at all. Friendships give us the ability to see ourselves in a different light when we couldn't before.

Any single thing you are in to, there is someone else who likes to do that too. Groups are a great way to meet new people who share the same interests. Keep your friends close, and .... your friends close. Get away from those enemies. Cherish your solid relationships and never take them for granted. Those are what will keep you running in those hard times that sneak up out of nowhere. xoxox

The Mirror Effect

While currently reading Dr. Drew Pinsky's new book (host of Loveline, Celebrity Rehab, etc.) I came across a concept that seems so simple, but is so complicated.

Dr. Drew states, "When trauma occurs to a child under the age of twelve, it triggers a characteristic--and normal--thought process. The child will first believe that he has somehow invited the traumatic actions; that they are at fault. This grandiose thought becomes fixed in their mind, resulting in a deep sense of shame."

This all makes sense to me and is the first thing you learn while understanding trauma. But what he said next I never really put together...

"One of the most confusing aspects of the typical response to trauma is that it results in an unconscious urge to seek out reenactment of the traumatizing event. This is why young girls who have been abused by men will seek out relationships with abusive men throughout their lives. Teenage girls who call in to Loveline to complain that they never have relationships with 'nice guys' will usually admit with little prompting that they were abused as children. This type of unconsciously damaging behavior is called repetition compulsion."

This really made me think. Sometimes people grow up and get into relationships, with exactly the same type of person they have been trying to avoid their whole life. It is important to know that THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN TO EVERYONE. It is also important to know and understand, that trauma is normal. It is normal to experience trauma, to learn from it, and TO MOVE ON. Whether your parents used too much drugs, or you were regularly physically abused, emotionally abused, or constantly made to feel self concious, you need to know you can get over it. You can find someone that makes you feel important. A healthy relationship with a friend or a partner. You need to understand that you can CHANGE this. It's never too late. You are beautiful and special. You do NOT have to let your past affect your future.

All The Single Ladies?

Dear Jessica,

I'm 27 and have been single for years. I go out constantly and try to pick up guys, but I can never find anyone I am attracted to or that seem to be attracted to me, for more than that night. Sometimes I get into a few week long relationships, and I have no idea what happens, but they just stop calling or texting me and we never talk again.

I feel like everyone I know right now is getting engaged or married or having kids, and I feel like I will end up single forever. This is so frustrating. WHAT DO I DO!?!?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Single Lady,

First of all, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. KNOW THAT. There are MANY MANY MANY women out there that are NOT in serious relationships, and that are going through the same thing. The first thing you need to think about is--What kind of aura are you giving off?? Are you dressing the part and hanging over guys and have the type of attitude of "I'm bringing someone home tonight?" Or are you being yourself, dressing like yourself, and waiting for someone intelligent to strike up a conversation with YOU?

I know how hard it is to meet someone now a days. But going out to bars and bringing home people after a few beers is not going to start a serious relationship. Think about yourself first--get your education on, a nice place to live in, good friends, and a job you like. Once you are totally comfortable with YOURSELF, BY YOURSELF, these other things will seem to fall into place. Remember--guys can sense desperation quicker than anything else.

The way you feel on the inside will attract those type of guys. If you feel a sense of urgency, desperation, and are instantly looking for a long term commitment, you are not going to find it. If you go in with an open mind, a good attitude, and **won't feel depressed or let down if you don't find The One right away**(very important), then someone will come. I'm sure you do not look like Quasimodo. I'm sure you are beautiful, smart, and awesome. Keep up a positive attitude, DO YOU FIRST, and it will all fall into place.

Love,
Jessica xoxox

ANY questions on life, relationships, sex, recovery, school, and contraceptive methods can be sent to my email contact on my View My Complete Profile page.

All questions will be posted as anonymous.

What's Love Got To Do With It????

What's love got to do,
got to do with it??

Why are there beautiful girls running around with idiots?? Who don't return their calls? And don't bring them out to dinner? And don't want to meet their friends or family, and are just boring lame guys? What the heck are these girls sticking around for???
It ain't love, honey. It's insecurity. If you were secure enough, you would'nt even give this kid the time of day. You wouldn't even give off the aura to let him approach you for your number. If it's not an instant, great connection....let it go. Contrary to what you may have heard, love is not something that you should be working very hard for. It should be easy. Friendly. Cute. Laid back. Someone to talk to and listen to and eat pizza with and watch movies. Maybe argue over the remote control. Not fighting and jealousy, and waiting and wondering.
If you are stuck in a dead end relationship that you know isn't going anywhere, leave it. YOU WILL FIND SOMEONE ELSE. Trust me. No one reading this is the sister to the Elephant Man. I KNOW you all have one head, two ears, and two beautiful eyes. Someone will see that, and someone will love that. Someone will APPRECIATE that. But they might not have the chance to even know it's there if you stay stuck in a relationship that is going absolutly nowhere. Leave it. Do your own thing. It's hard at first, you think "a stupid relationship is better than nothing at all". But once you cut those ties lose, you will wish you did it months before. IT GETS EASIER.
A young couple both getting married for the first time have a 40% chance of divorce. Somethin to think about.
Does anyone else know girls like this?? ARE you a girl like this?? What do you think?

Erikson's Stages of Psychosocial Development

Erik Erikson developed one of the best known theories of personality, called psychosocial development. He believed that this theory is the development of the Ego, or the conscious sense of self we develop through social interactions. This is relevant to you because sometimes it is hard to understand why you act or react a certain way in relationships, but looking at this model may give you a better idea why... Stay with me here....

Erikson believed that at certain time points in your life, you are supposed to understand and conquer certain feelings. If you do not develop these qualities correctly, it can haunt you for the rest of your life. During these critical times, the potential for growth is high, but so is the potential for failure. Think about your childhood and see how these stages relate to your sense of self and intimacy in relationships NOW....

For example, the first stage in Erikson's theory is trust versus mistrust, starting right at infancy. Because at this age (birth to one years old) you are utterly dependant on someone else, this is a vital period in ones life for someone else to take care of them. IF there is someone there, the infant may gain trust. Trust in themselves, trust in their environment, trust for someone else. If ones caregiver is not around or emotionally unavailable, the infant may develop a sense of MIStrust which can influence every single relationship they encounter in the future.

The second stage is autonomy versus shame a doubt. This is from one years old to three. At this time, childhood is focused on developing a sense of self control. (getting dressed themselves, learning to use the bathroom, etc.) If a parent allows them to discover how to do these things and teaches them it is okay, they will achieve dependency. If a parent smothers the child, tells them what they are doing is wrong, does not show them or isn't around to show them the proper way to do things themselves, they may gain a sense of shame and doubt. They have to fend for themselves and learn what they think is the "right" way to do it. They are scared to ask their caregivers if it's right in fear of getting in trouble, so they internalize their thoughts and feelings. This can cause major damage later on in life.

I'll skip to the sixth stage, which is intimacy versus isolation. This occurs in early adulthood. Think of your family setting when you were 11, 12, 13 years old. If a house is filled with an open line of communication and love, the child should grow up with an understanding of intimacy and close relationships. Those who grow up in an environment where there was NO communication or love out in the open, the child may grow up with feelings of loneliness, depression, confusion, and emotional isolation. They have to teach themselves how to love, and try to understand what is okay to say to others and what is not. It is very hard to get over this stage is you grew up feeling isolation from love.

Sometimes when you look at things from a perspective like this one, it becomes a little easier to see WHY you react this way. It is VERY HARD for anyone to look at themselves and say Yes, I definitely felt isolated from love when I was young. THAT IS NOT AN EASY THING TO REALIZE ABOUT YOURSELF. But if you are honest with yourself and your feelings, you may begin to realize important parts of your past that are influencing your life now. And although I do believe in Erikson's model, I do not believe that you cannot move out of it. Recognize, realize, move on.

Rememeber Her???

Remember when you were younger and there was always that kid that picked on you?? Told you you were ugly. You were too fat, you were too stupid. Found a fault with every single thing you did, had, or loved. Every picture of you was ugly, your hair, your teeth, your clothes, your light up velcro sneakers. You looked at that kid every day in the mirror. You felt that, you soaked it in, it impacted you. It GOT to you. Remember that kid?????

It's time to put that kid away. It's time to forget the hurtful comments about your looks, about your family, about your big Jewish nose. Leave the insecurities of your weight, your goofy smile, your shoes, behind. You are older now. You are still you. Look in the mirror and instead of seeing that kid, see yourself. All your faults, all your insecurities, and all of your beauties. Look for the positive things in yourself, and take the "bad things" you used to worry about and push them away. Embrace them, make them who you are today. Look at who you became!!!! Look at all of the things you have accomplished!!!!!!

YOU, ARE, YOU. And that's the only damn person you'll ever be.

Stay beautiful, baby. xoxox