"Why do you drink?"

Passed on to me by a friend, written by a longtime member of AA:

"I drank for happiness and became unhappy.
I drank for joy and became miserable.
I drank for sociability and became argumentative.
I drank for sophistication and became obnoxious.
I drank for friendship and made enemies.
I drank for sleep and woke up tired.
I drank for strength and felt weak.
I drank for relaxation and got the shakes.
I drank for courage and became afraid.
I drank for confidence and became doubtful.
I drank to make conversation and slurred my speech.
I drank to feel heavenly and ended up feeling like hell."

Don't Hold Onto It...

Why do we hold on to things that we cannot change?

To emotions of overwhelming sadness, depression, anxiety. To feelings of guilt, jealousy, rage. We hold onto these feelings and let them become us. They become our self, our skin, our every thought, our identity. It is almost impossible to get these feelings out of our head. It totally overpowers us, to the point where we almost feel more comfortable wallowing in the sadness then trying to find a way out of it.

The Serenity Prayer: Faith and Politics in Times of Peace and War was written by Reinhold Niebuhr in 1934. A few years later, an early member of Alcoholics Anonymous brought this prayer to the attention of the other members in a meeting, and it became an instant classic in the recovering community.

I used to wait tables in a restaurant and one day someone left me the bill, the cash, and a coin on my table. The coin had the prayer on it, and I instantly became mesmorized. Although I have never been religious, this saying has always had an impact on me in my every single day life:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

Whether you are fighting a heroin addiction, jealousy, or hate. Whether you are fighting an old friend and you can not seem to drop the grudge you are holding deep in your heart. If you are mad at someone and don't even remember why you truly got mad in the first place...Life Is Too Short.

Don't Hold On To It.

Accept it, Acknowledge it, and Understand that you May Not Be Able to Change It.

Think of Ways that you Can Overcome It.

Let It Die.

"In the year and a half since I quit drinking, I'm not sure if I've found the "good life" that the addiction counselor mentioned to me, but I've certainly uncovered a better one. It's made up of good days and bad days, and they are sometimes grossly out of proportion. But I think that's the thing that makes abstinence momentous; it has a sweet-and-sour appeal." --Smashed

Understanding Psychological Trauma

Trauma can be physical or psychological. And either way it hurts. When it's physical trauma, we usually think of breaking a bone ("physical trauma to the tibia"). OUCH. But when we think of psychological trauma, it can mean a serious image that stays with us for a long time, and can do some real damage. But what is it, and what actually happens? (I know this is a long post, but stay with me!)

INTERPERSONAL TRAUMA is something that has happened to you, personally. Something that was planned out by someone deliberately. It can make the victim never trust people again. Domestic violence, assault, rape, physical abuse, sexual abuse, etc. Something that happens to you that SHOCKS you, that you cannot seem to get over quickly. Longer term consequences occur if the trauma happens during childhood, or chronically over a long period of time, or if they know the perpetrator. Trauma can cause deep feelings of guilt, shame, remorse, helplessness, and aggression.

Many people, and a lot with addiction backgrounds, have a history of some sort of trauma. Which may lead to self-medicating with drugs or alcohol. When we were learning about this in class, I wracked my brain to think of something that has happened to ME. I couldn't think of a personal experience, but I used to work at a women's clinic in New Haven, CT and had experienced some things that I KNEW effected me deeply. I couldn't quite put my finger on it...

When something intense is just witnessed it is often discounted. But witnessing those things can sometimes be just as damaging as being the actual victim. It is almost like watching a "wide-screen TV" of the event. This is called INDIRECT TRAUMA. Not only do you witness the traumatic thing happening, but you see every detail of what is going on around it; the lights, the sounds, the cries, the colors, the noises. I sometimes have intense flash backs of things I saw or heard while working in that environment, and I now realize that that may or may not effect me, forever.

This is a picture that I took from the inside, looking outside, at the clinic I worked at. It is a loooong line of protestors holding up signs, yelling God Will Save You, that goes way down both sides of the street. Every morning walking into work, in the inner city, right passed the bullet proof glass windows, these people would be screaming at me, shouting at me, throwing things at me and my car. It is an image I will never be able to forget. I would feel helpless, ashamed, and confused.

I am not saying EVERYONE has some sort of trauma. I am also not saying I am a survivor. People have been through WAY worse things and have been able to get over it. I just think it is important to be aware and understand what this is, and if you have experienced it what goes on in that brain of yours.

****DURING TIMES OF TRAUMA...

Imagine if you are walking home alone from class at night. Someone comes out from behind you and sticks something up to your head. Screaming at you, shaking you. The alarm part of your brain, your amygdala, becomes so highly activated that automatic stress reactions take over. This is nesessary for survival. (Ever hear people say "I didn't even know I had the strength to push him off me"?) Post Traumatic Stress Disorder ensues when something so intense happens to the brain that your amygdala reacts, and freezes in that position. Suddenly, your brain can no longer tell the difference between what is safe and unsafe; including normal stressors. If you survive the attack, you cannot understand that even walking during the day is a safe activity. Every single thing scares you and reminds you of that night. The best way to work through PTSD is to talk to a therapist and untrap these memories.

Remember, trauma is a VERY REAL thing and has happened in the lives of many people. Talk to someone. Bring it to the light. Don't keep it all inside. Make your mental world a safer place by letting it out.

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Don't Hold On To It....

Why do we hold on to things that we cannot change?

To emotions of overwhelming sadness, depression, anxiety. To feelings of guilt, jealousy, rage. We hold onto these feelings and let them become us. They become our self, our skin, our every thought, our identity. It is almost impossible to get these feelings out of our head. It totally overpowers us, to the point where we almost feel more comfortable wallowing in the sadness then trying to find a way out of it.

The Serenity Prayer: Faith and Politics in Times of Peace and War was written by Reinhold Niebuhr in 1934. A few years later, an early member of Alcoholics Anonymous brought this prayer to the attention of the other members in a meeting, and it became an instant classic in the recovering community.

I used to wait tables in a restaurant and one day someone left me the bill, the cash, and a coin on my table. The coin had the prayer on it, and I instantly became mesmorized. Although I have never been religious, this saying has always had an impact on me in my every single day life.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

Whether you are fighting a heroin addiction, jealousy, or hate. Whether you are fighting an old friend and you can not seem to drop the grudge you are holding deep in your heart. If you are mad at someone and don't even remember why you truly got mad in the first place...Life Is Too Short.

Don't Hold On To It.

Accept it, Acknowledge it, and Understand that you May Not Be Able to Change It.

Think of Ways that you Can Overcome It.

Let It Die.