"It's not what's happening...It's how you respond."

Tara Brach (from http://blog.tarabrach.com/) wrote this amazing blog post that we discussed in a Radical Acceptance group recently. Here is the concept, paraphrased by me:


Decades ago, when the English had colonized India they wanted to set up a golf course in Calcutta. At first the golf course seemed to be a great idea; the only challenge was that the area was completely overpopulated with monkeys.

The monkeys, of course, were very interested in golf as well. Every time people would hit their balls, the monkeys would run after the balls and throw them around the course. The golfers HATED this, and tried everything they could to stop this from happening. They built huge fences, which the monkeys would just climb over. They tried to sway them away with bananas, which the monkeys would just eat. They tried to lure them, capture them, and relocate them. But the monkeys would just find their way back.

Finally, the golf course had no choice but to put a new rule into effect: The golfers in Calcutta had to play the ball wherever the monkey dropped it.

They were on to something!! Think about it. We all want life to be a certain way. We want everything to be just right, just the way we planned. But sometimes life just doesn't cooperate. So when monkeys are dropping balls where we don't want them, what can we do???

**If we want to find peace, if we want to find acceptance, if we want to find freedom, we must pause and say--"Okay. This is where the monkey dropped the ball. I"ll play it from here, as well as I am able."**

Sometimes in life it doesn't matter what's happening...it's how we respond to it. How we respond determines our happiness and our peace of mind. When life picks up your ball and throws it wherever it wants, you just gotta pick it up and keep playing.

Is there a situation right now you are having a difficult time accepting? Is there any way you can change it? If not, how can you accept that this is where your ball has been dropped, and move forward??

Sometimes when you are taking two steps forward in the game of life and everything is going great, something happens out of nowhere and BAM—ten steps back. It can feel discouraging, frustrating, embarrassing, and annoying.

If you are reading this,you need to remember to keep your head up and keep moving forward at all times. Things will happen that might bring you down a little, but you need to keep focused. Life isn’t just at a constant baseline, it looks like a heart monitor--it goes up, it goes down...but it always goes back up again.

If you are reading this, I know you are young, you are smart, and you are beautiful.

"I know it seems hard sometimes, but remember one thing, through every dark night, there's a bright day after that. So no matter how hard it gets, keep your chest out, keep your head up and handle it."--Tupac

You're Never Gonna Survive Unless...

You Stop Taking Yourself So Seriously.

Life can go by in the blink of an eye. At times you can be totally relaxed and have everything in check, and then all of a sudden life goes from fun to TOTALLY overwhelming. Especially if you are working, or going to school, or taking care of a child, or just trying to take care of YOU. At those frustrating times, you might notice you start to be very hard on your self. You may start to feel anxious, stressed out, and upset.

But you have to remember...

Who cares?????

No one is putting that pressure on you, you are putting it on yourself. No one has too high of expectations for you, you have them for yourself. Sometimes when life seems to be flying by too fast...STOP. And look around. Be grateful for what you have, and who you are. Work hard, but do not put too much pressure on yourself. No one else is. It is healthy to have goals and boundaries, but be a little lenient sometimes. Cut yourself some slack. YOU ARE WORKING HARD!!!! Keep your head up and your dreams close to your heart, but realistic.

You got this, kid.

Don't Hold Onto It...

Why do we hold on to things that we cannot change?

To emotions of overwhelming sadness, depression, anxiety. To feelings of guilt, jealousy, rage. We hold onto these feelings and let them become us. They become our self, our skin, our every thought, our identity. It is almost impossible to get these feelings out of our head. It totally overpowers us, to the point where we almost feel more comfortable wallowing in the sadness then trying to find a way out of it.

The Serenity Prayer: Faith and Politics in Times of Peace and War was written by Reinhold Niebuhr in 1934. A few years later, an early member of Alcoholics Anonymous brought this prayer to the attention of the other members in a meeting, and it became an instant classic in the recovering community.

I used to wait tables in a restaurant and one day someone left me the bill, the cash, and a coin on my table. The coin had the prayer on it, and I instantly became mesmorized. Although I have never been religious, this saying has always had an impact on me in my every single day life:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

Whether you are fighting a heroin addiction, jealousy, or hate. Whether you are fighting an old friend and you can not seem to drop the grudge you are holding deep in your heart. If you are mad at someone and don't even remember why you truly got mad in the first place...Life Is Too Short.

Don't Hold On To It.

Accept it, Acknowledge it, and Understand that you May Not Be Able to Change It.

Think of Ways that you Can Overcome It.

Let It Die.

Be Couragious... No Bull

In 2007 I needed to take one last Spanish class to graduate from SCSU. I decided, if I need ONE Spanish class, I'm NOT going to take it sweating over the summer in New Haven. I've always wanted to fly out somewhere to study but just never had the guts.

So I gathered up the courage to enroll in a summer program in Salamanca, Spain knowing noone. While I was there I met some amazing people, some that I still talk to every day to this day (hola!). One night over some vino, a few of those crazy people mentioned Running With the Bulls; a festival that lasts for 9 days in Pamplona, Spain. A non stop party that starts every morning at 5am with thousands of people being chased after 6 gigantic bulls, triple the size of you. They explained it as the craziest, wildest, scariest thing anyone can experience. I knew right then and there that I needed to do it. I mean, I came this far, right?!??!

This picture was taken RIGHT after I ran. I did it, it was awesome, it was intense, I saw some one break both of their legs at the same time, but the rush I got from doing it was indescribable. (Like when you're driving and suddenly there's a cop behind you and you get so nervous for no reason no matter what, then once they pass you're like AW, NO BIG DEAL!!!!!!!)

The reason I am bringing this up, is because SPRING and SUMMER are coming. There are goals that you all have, things you thought about doing but were too nervous to carry out. Projects you wanted to start but put to the side. DO IT. WRITE IT. START IT. FINISH IT. ANYTHING you have wanted to do; travel, read a book, write a book, interview for a dream job, start a club, join a group, learn how to surf (my next goal).... ANYTHING. Anything you want to do, try it. New year, new beginnings, new story.

What is something you have ALWAYS dreamed of doing but never had the guts to do???

George Mason University!!!

Yeah baby!!!!!

This week I was the guest speaker at George Mason Unversity in Virginia for Positive Body Image Awareness. Here are a few pictures...

book signing for beYOUtiful, February 23, 2010

being so nervous while pretending I am totally cool

Hi does anyone know where the speaker is???

How did I get into this nutshell??

Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who showed up and didn't fall asleep. It means the world to me. You guys ROCK!!!!!!! If anyone from GMU was there, please drop a comment and let me know what you thought of the presentation. Or if you weren't there, drop one and let me know what you think of the blog. Thank you!!!

All The Single Ladies?

Dear Jessica,

I'm 27 and have been single for years. I go out constantly and try to pick up guys, but I can never find anyone I am attracted to or that seem to be attracted to me, for more than that night. Sometimes I get into a few week long relationships, and I have no idea what happens, but they just stop calling or texting me and we never talk again.

I feel like everyone I know right now is getting engaged or married or having kids, and I feel like I will end up single forever. This is so frustrating. WHAT DO I DO!?!?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Single Lady,

First of all, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. KNOW THAT. There are MANY MANY MANY women out there that are NOT in serious relationships, and that are going through the same thing. The first thing you need to think about is--What kind of aura are you giving off?? Are you dressing the part and hanging over guys and have the type of attitude of "I'm bringing someone home tonight?" Or are you being yourself, dressing like yourself, and waiting for someone intelligent to strike up a conversation with YOU?

I know how hard it is to meet someone now a days. But going out to bars and bringing home people after a few beers is not going to start a serious relationship. Think about yourself first--get your education on, a nice place to live in, good friends, and a job you like. Once you are totally comfortable with YOURSELF, BY YOURSELF, these other things will seem to fall into place. Remember--guys can sense desperation quicker than anything else.

The way you feel on the inside will attract those type of guys. If you feel a sense of urgency, desperation, and are instantly looking for a long term commitment, you are not going to find it. If you go in with an open mind, a good attitude, and **won't feel depressed or let down if you don't find The One right away**(very important), then someone will come. I'm sure you do not look like Quasimodo. I'm sure you are beautiful, smart, and awesome. Keep up a positive attitude, DO YOU FIRST, and it will all fall into place.

Love,
Jessica xoxox

ANY questions on life, relationships, sex, recovery, school, and contraceptive methods can be sent to my email contact on my View My Complete Profile page.

All questions will be posted as anonymous.

love, jessica

someday,
you're going to look back at these years and envy them

crazy thing about life,
you never know what's right around the corner

without the right attitude,
you don't stand a chance

always keep your heart,
open to new ideas and experiences

but please understand,
that nothing worth it is easy

and never let the past,
predict your future

this is,
your life,
don't waste it.