Think of yourself as the center of this spiral.
When you are growing up, you keep the people that mean the most to you, that you trust the most, the closest in this spiral.
You believe that they will never ever leave your inner circle and will stay as near to your center as possible.
As years go by, some of the people that were constantly in your inner circle start to web out, and new ones come in.
What means the most to you, who you trust, and what you look for in a friend all relate to this spiral.
How you were raised is (usually) a direct association to the attachment that you make and keep in all relationships.
THERE ARE THREE ATTACHMENT STYLES, and they all come back to this shape:
SECURE: A child in this category knows early on that they can depend on their guardian and that they will be there for them when they need support. They know exactly what they need and want from the guardian, and usually get it.
AVOIDANT: This child has learned that depending on their parents will not get them that secure feeling that they want, so they need to depend on themselves.
AMBIVALENT: This child learns that sometimes their needs are met, and sometimes they are not. Ambivalence means "not being completely sure of something". They realize early on what type of behavior will get their parent's attention, and then use it over and over again to get what they want. They are constantly looking for the security that they sometimes get.
Relationships can get very complicated. If you think back on how responsive and attentive your guardians were from infancy to early adolescence, sometimes that can connect the dots as to why the relationships you have now last/do not last the way they do.
And for some people this may not relate AT ALL, it is just an interesting way to think about things on a Friday morning :)
