While currently reading Dr. Drew Pinsky's new book (host of Loveline, Celebrity Rehab, etc.) I came across a concept that seems so simple, but is so complicated.
Dr. Drew states, "When trauma occurs to a child under the age of twelve, it triggers a characteristic--and normal--thought process. The child will first believe that he has somehow invited the traumatic actions; that they are at fault. This grandiose thought becomes fixed in their mind, resulting in a deep sense of shame."
This all makes sense to me and is the first thing you learn while understanding trauma. But what he said next I never really put together...
"One of the most confusing aspects of the typical response to trauma is that it results in an unconscious urge to seek out reenactment of the traumatizing event. This is why young girls who have been abused by men will seek out relationships with abusive men throughout their lives. Teenage girls who call in to Loveline to complain that they never have relationships with 'nice guys' will usually admit with little prompting that they were abused as children. This type of unconsciously damaging behavior is called repetition compulsion."
This really made me think. Sometimes people grow up and get into relationships, with exactly the same type of person they have been trying to avoid their whole life. It is important to know that THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN TO EVERYONE. It is also important to know and understand, that trauma is normal. It is normal to experience trauma, to learn from it, and TO MOVE ON. Whether your parents used too much drugs, or you were regularly physically abused, emotionally abused, or constantly made to feel self concious, you need to know you can get over it. You can find someone that makes you feel important. A healthy relationship with a friend or a partner. You need to understand that you can CHANGE this. It's never too late. You are beautiful and special. You do NOT have to let your past affect your future.
Dr. Drew states, "When trauma occurs to a child under the age of twelve, it triggers a characteristic--and normal--thought process. The child will first believe that he has somehow invited the traumatic actions; that they are at fault. This grandiose thought becomes fixed in their mind, resulting in a deep sense of shame."
This all makes sense to me and is the first thing you learn while understanding trauma. But what he said next I never really put together...
"One of the most confusing aspects of the typical response to trauma is that it results in an unconscious urge to seek out reenactment of the traumatizing event. This is why young girls who have been abused by men will seek out relationships with abusive men throughout their lives. Teenage girls who call in to Loveline to complain that they never have relationships with 'nice guys' will usually admit with little prompting that they were abused as children. This type of unconsciously damaging behavior is called repetition compulsion."
This really made me think. Sometimes people grow up and get into relationships, with exactly the same type of person they have been trying to avoid their whole life. It is important to know that THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN TO EVERYONE. It is also important to know and understand, that trauma is normal. It is normal to experience trauma, to learn from it, and TO MOVE ON. Whether your parents used too much drugs, or you were regularly physically abused, emotionally abused, or constantly made to feel self concious, you need to know you can get over it. You can find someone that makes you feel important. A healthy relationship with a friend or a partner. You need to understand that you can CHANGE this. It's never too late. You are beautiful and special. You do NOT have to let your past affect your future.
