Erik Erikson developed one of the best known theories of personality, called psychosocial development. He believed that this theory is the development of the Ego, or the conscious sense of self we develop through social interactions. This is relevant to you because sometimes it is hard to understand why you act or react a certain way in relationships, but looking at this model may give you a better idea why... Stay with me here....
Erikson believed that at certain time points in your life, you are supposed to understand and conquer certain feelings. If you do not develop these qualities correctly, it can haunt you for the rest of your life. During these critical times, the potential for growth is high, but so is the potential for failure. Think about your childhood and see how these stages relate to your sense of self and intimacy in relationships NOW....
For example, the first stage in Erikson's theory is trust versus mistrust, starting right at infancy. Because at this age (birth to one years old) you are utterly dependant on someone else, this is a vital period in ones life for someone else to take care of them. IF there is someone there, the infant may gain trust. Trust in themselves, trust in their environment, trust for someone else. If ones caregiver is not around or emotionally unavailable, the infant may develop a sense of MIStrust which can influence every single relationship they encounter in the future.
The second stage is autonomy versus shame a doubt. This is from one years old to three. At this time, childhood is focused on developing a sense of self control. (getting dressed themselves, learning to use the bathroom, etc.) If a parent allows them to discover how to do these things and teaches them it is okay, they will achieve dependency. If a parent smothers the child, tells them what they are doing is wrong, does not show them or isn't around to show them the proper way to do things themselves, they may gain a sense of shame and doubt. They have to fend for themselves and learn what they think is the "right" way to do it. They are scared to ask their caregivers if it's right in fear of getting in trouble, so they internalize their thoughts and feelings. This can cause major damage later on in life.
I'll skip to the sixth stage, which is intimacy versus isolation. This occurs in early adulthood. Think of your family setting when you were 11, 12, 13 years old. If a house is filled with an open line of communication and love, the child should grow up with an understanding of intimacy and close relationships. Those who grow up in an environment where there was NO communication or love out in the open, the child may grow up with feelings of loneliness, depression, confusion, and emotional isolation. They have to teach themselves how to love, and try to understand what is okay to say to others and what is not. It is very hard to get over this stage is you grew up feeling isolation from love.
Sometimes when you look at things from a perspective like this one, it becomes a little easier to see WHY you react this way. It is VERY HARD for anyone to look at themselves and say Yes, I definitely felt isolated from love when I was young. THAT IS NOT AN EASY THING TO REALIZE ABOUT YOURSELF. But if you are honest with yourself and your feelings, you may begin to realize important parts of your past that are influencing your life now. And although I do believe in Erikson's model, I do not believe that you cannot move out of it. Recognize, realize, move on.
